THAT BULLSHIT RECAP EPISODE

So okay, I was in chch on Friday visiting my friends and attending a baby party and we were all ready to watch a BRAND NEW EPISODE OF TOP MODEL- we had the wine (I had lemonade in my wine because I am a big loser) and we had the bubbly mint chocolate and the thai food and we were all ready to be loudly boo and hiss and chortle and complain BUT THEN IT WAS THIS FUCKING RECAP EPISODE! I HATE WHEN THEY DO THIS! It is so mean to advertise for the Thailand episode and then throw this piece of garbage our way! SARA TETRO WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE PLAYING AT?!

Anyway, so I am very disappointed and since there is nothing to really do or say or happen in this episode I will do my best to look for some kind of silver lining or diamond in the rough in this pile of seen before shit.

Here are some facts I have learned from this episode:

* Lara auditioned via song apparently! It's pretty embarrassing!
* Lara got all rashy in her bikini and it was pretty gross
* Dakota was probably attention seeking with her "I was about to go into adult entertainment!" line in her audition. It's pretty good though, got her through. Might try that at my next job interview. GIVE ME THE JOB OR I WILL BE HAVING SEX FOR MONEY! PLEASE SAVE MY SOUL!ETC!
*Jamie ROCKED out the first real photo shoot


*There was some kind of drama with those Rotorua topless shoots that I completely did not know about? Something about the original shots being the girls with nipple tape on but basically topless? then having steam edited in so we weren't to see 16 year olds semi topless? It is kind of yucky maybe, poor Michaela! Clearly I pay no attention to this stuff because I was unaware there was any scandal or drama or nipple tape anywhere! Apparently Michaela, Danielle and Amelia all used nipple tape instead of boob tubes?

Okay so I have watched this section and printscreened it and they are right! They show things they really shouldn't of young girls! I don't think I should put it up here but that is pretty bad I think. And to show it again after the first time around drama? Bad form Top Model!



Retouched "steamy" version of the photo.

Anyway, in less sensitive news, there was some unseen footage of a party. Nothing much happened until this:



and this



If you haven't seen the episode then I am going to leave it to your imagination.

You're welcome.

*Oh good. Holly is back. She is making everyone play this really stupid game where you sing "we don't know how lucky we are" after everything you say. I don't understand why it's meant to be funny or fun. But then I don't understand why Holly was picked in the first place so there you go.

And since this is like the WORST party ever Holly and a clearly munted Aafreen go on to perform some kind of skit involving a doll?



Needless to say, it sucks.

We get to see the Dakota train wreck at the Air New Zealand party or whatever it was.
"OH THAT WAS A NIP SLIP!" etc etc
It is maybe the best simultaneously most endearing and revolting piece of NZ television. She is so clueless. "They obviously loved me"

Who wouldn't!?



Also, Elza is some kind of poet? Check out her "Poem for boyfriend"

I want to see your face
I want to feel your smile
I want to embrace your hug
I just want you

More than I want the sun to rise
More than I want the birds to sing
More than I want the ocean to be blue
I want your love more than I want to live

Jeeez. That's some heavy stuff Elza! I don't really know what to say to that!

Also, Holly is still (in the past) up to her old tricks screeching "COURTENEY DAKOTA UP! NAAAAOOOOOWWWWWWWW DO YOU WANT ME TO JUMP ON YOUR BED!?" (or something, it's hard to hear what with the scorn and bossy judgement emanating from every word). Dakota, once again endears herself to me sneering, while dressed up like a homeless crack addict "You're not my mum. Piss off"




Also, Elza has now had TWO separate panic attacks. Just saying.

Check out Dakota's sweet facials on the "No Smoking/Marijuana please!" shoot



Anyway, nothing else happens, we see this again



and with that Elza is left alone and we can look forward to a NEW EPISODE this Friday feat.



And all in all a crappy episode. Thailand BETTER BE AMAZING to make up for this let down. Or Sara Tetro better announce the wrong winner, that would be sweet.