Okay so we open with Michaela (who I have heard a lot of friends tell me is the best one) reading the goodbye letters from Eva (SOB) and the other one, um.....Lauren. They are full of "love you Danielle, love you Holly(?!)etc and at the end Lara is all "awkward that she forgot about me!" and everyone groans and makes hissing noises.
It is Nellie and Elza's 18th birthday(s)! They are so weird but I really like them, although I have also heard some people say they really don't. But I do. They are different and also odd. But still, it is going to be an ugly day when they eliminate one of them. Maybe they could do a double elimination of them too like last week? Probably not. I am thinking Elza could win this thing.
Did they have to do a double elimination last week because of the addition of HOLLY into the final group? I think so. God damned Holly.
Anyway, they have a lovely little dinner party and Lara does a stand up speech/toast thing. Dakota ain't liking it and she is all "I think Lara is the fakest, faker than fake food, fake". She is honestly nuts but kind of awesome? Nellie and Elza say some weird but sweet things to each other : "My heart is all big and juicy from all the happiness" "Thank you for the best 18 years of my life Elza, it has been awesome, thank you for being in the womb with me". "And Nellie, lets hope that we spend the rest of our lives together because I know we will".
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Anyway, its all happy birthday, candles and lolly cake and then the next day the gang meet Colin "Skinnypinkscarf" Mathura-Jefferee at Auckland Uni to "get back to basics".
"Watch me ladies!" he purrs and then stomps around the uni steps showing us his MAD SKILLZ. He "looks like Tyra from behind" according to Holly. That is not good I would think, for a man.
Remember that awesome time Tyra went CA-RAZY at that one girl, uh....TIFFANY and it was SO SO GREAT?
And when this happened?
AH. That was great. Just watch those awesome moments instead of watching this truly boring segment on "CATWALK 101".
The only good thing that happens is that Danielle kicks her high heel off and straight into Elza's head and then Colin chases the girls around in high heels like some kind of nightmare creature.
It reminds me of the pale man in Pan's Labyrinth.
Anyway, then there is this other really boring challenge where they go to an old schoolhouse and are tested on their fashion nous by Colin "ARGHSTAYAWAY" Mathura-Jefferee and some model from NZ who is also involved with Gucci. She "keeps an apartment in Milan" so all the girls are impressed and ohh and aah over her. "The Gucci thing impressed me" says Dakota. If there's one person you want to impress is it Dakota, for sure.
It is "Top Model Trivia" and Colin and Ella (who has a very strange accent, almost English though I KNOW she is from Auckland") quiz them on important top model knowledge like "Who is the editor of American Vogue" EVEN I KNOW THAT! I SAW THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA!
Then Dakota names "Juicy Couture" as an italian designer (HOT VELOUR TRACKSUITS!) and Colin says that "Elza is clearly much more intelligent than Nellie". ouch. I am not sure how much intelligence has to do with discussing haute couture and Anna Wintour but WHATEVER.
Back at the house Nellie is sad that Elza is better than her and Elza is sad about that too. Nellie predicts her own dismissal from the competition before Elza and it is revealed that Danielle, driven mad ,I assume, with the knowledge that she didn't know the name of 4 NZ designers punched a wall multiple times making a nice big hole. Clearly the camera crew weren't around when that happened and you can almost taste the regret.
Anyway, the next day it is photo shoot time. It is another sweet product placement opporunity, this time with Herbal Essences.
Lara "looks constipated" according to the photographer, Dakota is "too crazy for the set" but FABULOUS and breaks the telephone! oh dear! vintage telephone ALL OVER THE GROUND!, Courteney is all skimpy in tiny shorts but she is a professional so she keeps on trucking, Nellie was "powerful and dominating" and lounges around with a fake tiger eating strawberries or something. Danielle is "hard work" because she is so uncomfortable with being a model, that's kind of bad. Michaela is good because "she is smiling, she is serious". Moving your face is totally a necessary ingrediant to modelling so it is a relief that she has conquered that mountain. Holly is bad. The photographer says she is "an ice queen and a princess and should get over herself". Holly says everything is "less than ideal". I think I have heard her say this very thing about 10 times this "cycle". She cries. Dakota thinks it looks hot when she cries. Dakota scares me. Elza "stole the show" and the photographer loves her.
ELIMINATION TIME!
Lara? HOLLY?! Danielle?
Who's up first?
Nellie: Sexy and strong a "superbitch" character. They like.
Hollie: Sarah thinks "you have a lot of body in your hair. The product is the least of my problems". That doesn't really bode well......!
Elza: Her theme was "dangerously straight" and it makes Colin "feel dangerously straight just looking at it" OH HO!
Danielle: They like that she likes pink dresses and is wearing high heels.
Look how tiny the guest judge model is!
She's eeny! Tiny!
Anyway,
Lara: cries. She gets a good shot but not because of her own efforts, which were poor, but by having a good photographer.
Dakota: Being crazy the crazy photo shoot worked well.
Courteney: Makes it "look perfectly normal to stand in heels, a knotted white shirt and french knickers" and for this she should be very proud, says Sara.
Michaela: Very good. Beginning to "think like a model". Sweet.
Deliberation: They like Elza's masculine jaw but guest model thinks she is too offbeat for international markets, Lara, they aren't liking it, Danielle, they love her love of the pink dress thus choose to ignore that she really isn't that into modelling, Holly, hard work and vacant. Sara thinks she looks like "a mako shark" "eyes with nothing behind them".
The guest model says that Michaela is "undoubtably" commercial. I don't want to have to break it to her that that is not a word. She probably says things like "don't be so pacific" etc and "somethink". This could just be the jealousy at the Milan apartment speaking though.
Look again at how tiny she is! Good god!
Anyway! BOTTOM TWO:
Lara and Holly! Holly's "eyes remain dead. And we are not sure if you can awaken them". Ouch. Lara only has on emotion. ELIMINATED IS...
HOLLY! THAT'S MORE THAN IDEAL! what a bummer...
ANYWAY! Next week's previews looks like they are just trying to upset the religious ones by forcing them to do an underwear modeling show in a church. Nice one guys!
They take part in a music video! That will be fun! Do you remember when they did that in ANTM and Tyra sang? "Shake ya body body, move ya body body!"
And next week Elza or Nellie (I am guessing Nellie) has another panic attack thing. OH NO COULD BE ELIMINATED! And Michaela yells at Dakota for being immature. THIS COULD BE A GOOD EPISODE FINALLY AFTER WEEKS OF MEDIOCRITY AND BOREDOM!
I have to go now. I need to do a little dance of Holly's elimination and google stalk Nellie and Elza. This is what I have so far.
Rent apartment Milan short term by the owner: fully equipped, with all the comforts.
ReplyDelete