Monday, September 27, 2010
MORE UPDATES: AIRPORT TWIN REUNION!
My friends flew back to Christchurch today and when they were waiting at Wellington airport THE ENTIRE TOP MODEL CREW WERE THERE! Elza and Nellie had a twin reunion and I am told they squealed and hugged and played with each others hair! Michaela was on my friends' flight and she is young looking with nice parents! Colin bought a lemon lime and bitters! Chris Sisarich sat a table a metre away from my friends! He is hot I am told (and can confirm) Elza got a bit creeped out by my friend Louise who wouldn't stop staring at her! (they both have red hair so maybe they were simpatico?) AND OH MY GOD I AM EXCITED AND JEALOUS AND CURIOUS AND CONFUSED! Why were they at WOW? Where have they been? Nellie and Elza flew back to Dunedin...someone on my facebook saw one twin walking around Wellington today....SO MANY QUESTIONS! I tried to find out by googling various combinations of "WOW NZTM judges why?" and "ELZA NELLIE TELL ME WHY TELL ME COMPUTER" but got no where. Someone must know more?!??!? If the "glocal" power of the internet should be harnessed for any purpose it should surely be this right?!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
BREAKING NEWS: "CELEBRITY" sighting by me!
Okay so briefly, today I went to Wearable Arts with my ladies from Christchurch and it was AWESOME. Apart from the fantastic show itself guess who was there? IF YOU GUESSED SARA TETRO, COLIN MATHURA-JEFFREE AND CHRIS SISARICH then you are RIGHT! We were sitting there waiting for the show to start eating trumpets and suddenly they stomp past! I almost have a fit in the middle of the row and then they begin going back and forth while filming scenes! They were very dressed up and then walked past a few times looking serious for the camera then sat down and watched the show! Of course we thought that this MUST mean that top models must be somewhere in the show! I began to think that I had seen them but then they would get closer and I would realise it was just another girl with red hair. There were like 10 of them so it got a bit exhausting! In the end we saw none of them but why else would they all be there being filmed? This is basically what I began to see as my Elza expectation grew stronger and stronger
Would this not be the BEST show ever?
Would this not be the BEST show ever?
Friday, September 24, 2010
Armageddon ready for Phuket! (sorry)
So Holly has departed from the top model house in a blaze of sour faced dead eyed tragedy. Who will provide the drama now guys? Well, based on the ads for this week is it EVERYONE but mostly Dakota. God that ad was powerful.
Lara is being all insightful about almost getting kicked out last week "I think I just had a bad day at work" which really annoys me because they all keep saying this and this is something Sara Tetro says EVERY GOD DAMNED WEEK. It's like if all the ANTM's starting being all "And still in the running to become ANTM is me. I am still here". Or something. I don't know, it's late and I smell funny from work. Like oil and tears.
Danielle on the other hand thinks Lara is "definitely a twit...she likes honking her own horn". I enjoy Danielle's manner of speaking, its quite quaint.
Dakota agrees and thinks that Lara is "from a different side of the tracks. She thinks she's got it all but she's got nothing". Big words Dakota! Dakota then shows off her sanity by sexily telling herself in the mirror that she is "pretty and witty and so gonna win this!".
In related news, my friend Louise was at a mall in chch and she saw a big bunch of high school girls trying on high heels at kmart. They were pretending to be in Top Model and doing the runway walk and fighting over who got to be Elza and Nellie. One girl got told she was Dakota and screamed "NO! I DON'T WANT TO BE DAKOTA!". Dakota clearly loses the public vote.
They get some night time Sara mail telling them "To say your prayers time to worship at the alter of fashion". I see this going awry. Courteney looks nervous.
I have something important to say: The "do us a flavour" chips are YUCKY. So gross and I am pretty unhappy about that! I love butter chicken but not in chips.
Anyway, they are at a church and Colin is up being all "welcome! I PRAY YOU ARE READY" etc then he lets the big secret out THEY WILL BE MODELLING IN THEIR UNDIES. Courteney is unhappy because it is a holy place and not really a place for modelling in your underwear. Dakota is all "I thought it was a bit sacrilegious but then I thought NAH WHO CARES!?".
Because Courteney is a professional though she tries to be good and is pleased her bra and underwear "aren't too skanky". Michaela isn't very happy either but Danielle is psyched cos she walks in the street in her bikini- no worries!
Dakota, of all people asks Courteney and Michaela to form a prayer circle so God can bless the runway show. I didn't really peg Dakota as the church type but okay! I guess China the Vagina is "very religious".
Clearly Courteney shares the same feelings I do "Dakota...she is religious,apparently, well she says she is..she doesn't really act very religious though...
Regardless, check out this pervy shot of some 16 and 17 year olds in their underwear.
Dakota gets upset because someone laughs at her while she is wearing her weird 1930s underwear and so she demonstrates empathy and maturity by telling the camera that she could see Lara's "arse jiggle all the way from the black curtain".
Anyway that was about the most exciting thing from this runway show which, although clearly designed to make the religious girls cry only succeeded in Dakota calling Lara names. SHAME TOP MODEL THAT ONE BACK FIRED!
But it is time for the photo shoot- or in this case the music video shoot for Opshop. Nellie/Elza are "Hell yeah boy! It is going to be super cool!".
Jason from Opshop shows up and I recognise him from a Woman's Day article where he explained that he is building an enormous ark to hold him and his friends when the world ends in 2012. He is fucking nuts. Genuinely insane. Dakota will probably find him to be a kindred spirit.
They are told that three of them will be chosen to perform in a pool and then the winner gets a singlet dress. They all go crazy at the thought of a singlet dress.
They get to dance around "contemporarily" while Jason takes a break from building his ark to lip sync his song in a leather jacket.
Lara is all "Ivan (the director) told me I had exactly the look he was going for with my porcelain skin and my piercing eyes". Jeeeez.
Dakota again waxes lyrical about how gross she thinks Lara and her thighs are then proceeds to thrash around on the floor "like a stripper". Her words, not mine.
The three lucky ladies who get to splash around in the pool are: Elza, Lara and Danielle and Nellie gets to come along for the ride as Elza's "double". If I had a twin I would convince them to become a famous actress then I would be their double all the time. No effort and I could make money off them for the rest of my life.
Left standing around in their floaty dresses are the prayer circle
Back at the house Dakota says "Maybe they just wanted fat-arse girls in the video. I am talking about Lara in particular" and Courteney and Michaela are all "Don't say that that's horrible". They are sweet girls. I like them a lot. I wish they were my friends, but I would probably be too mean for them. Which makes me sad.
Anyway, Dakota and Michaela have a fight about Dakota being a mean-spirited harpy and Dakota blames it on being kicked out of the house at 14. Michaela says she will punch Dakota in the mouth soon if she doesn't watch it. THIS IS GOOD STUFF! Michaela is all "You are such a dick!
"You are immature and no one likes you!". Dakota is all "Don't hold back! Punch me it will make you feel better!". Courteney tells us that if it came down to a fight she has no doubt that Dakota will claw out Michaela's eyes and scratch her to death. I think she is right about that, Dakota would be a scrappy fighter for sure plus she would hit below the belt.
Look at Courteney she is so lovely and I think she is probably the nicest person to have ever been on TV. If she was my child I would buy her a nice present for being so sweet. If Dakota was my child I would buy her a gag to shut her up. And I would buy Michaela knuckle dusters to take out Dakota with.
Meanwhile over at the pool Lara is dubbed "a supermodel already". Elza and Danielle are also told they are lovely mermaids of the deep. We are treated to the music video and Jason screams into the camera while plainly thinking of Armageddon, a mere two years from now. I guess the most pertinent question for us is WHO WILL BE ON MTV/IN CATALOGUES FOR FARMERS WHEN THE WORLD ENDS??
Back at top model house Sara mail arrives. Courteney thinks the mail means that they will have to "advertise cars in a skanky outfit and wear nasty hotpants like a big skank". She really hates skanks.
They head off to their photo shoot and it is at railway station and suddenly a giant flame thing bursts in front of them and in the words of Elza "my pants were almost absolutely soaked".
Sara is there and Dakota looks SEXY
Sara is all "This special occasion requires a very special photographer". Everyone hopes for Nigel Barker but its just lookalike Chris Sisarich.
He is all "here Lara you won the singlet" and she is all "YAY take that Dakota!". Well that's what she should have said anyway. They are indeed doing a shoot about cars "think fur and fire, think Ford Fiestas!" enthuses Chris.
I am not entirely convinced by the styling
Michaela cries because she doesn't think she did well (bottom two?)and Elza suddenly has some kind of breakdown and is all purple and crying? An ambulance comes? Danielle thinks "she just needs to pick up her balls and get on with it" HA.
Nellie is "flat" and Lara is "wide". Nellie= bottom two too? Dakota looks ridiculous but somehow takes great shots. If Nellie and Elza were dogs they would be these kind of dogs
This is not an insult. These are luxurious dogs!
Anyway it is now JUDGEMENT TIME!
Guess what! Tomorrow (NZTM time) they will fly to Phuket! But ONE of them won't be going! Oh no! How cruel. Nellie or Michaela don't smile too soon!
Dakota:
Danielle:
Michaela: Cries and talks about her "breakdown" about not being picked for the music video.
"looks like you have farted and are trying to walk about away from it". Thanks Colin!You really know how to make a crying girl feel better!
Lara:
Courteney:
Nellie: The judges call her out on being tired and flat. Elza calls out "I'm sorry Nellie! I ruined her photo shoot!" It is all very dramatic, teary and tragic.
Elza: Cries and sobs and I feel so bad for her! It is kind of like the time I did this in front of one of my lecturers about a late essay- all hiccuping and unable to breathe and making it worse every second. I feel so bad for her! Poor Elza. Poor Nellie.
And the bottom two are....
Nellie and Dakota!
Nellie= good at runway but bad at shoot.
Dakota= bad at runway good at shoot! But she is "an accidental model. Things go well and you don't know why...and I don't know if you are learning"
And still in the running is...
DAKOTA
Elza=
This is so tragic. It's kind of like in the Deathly Hallows when (SPOILER) Fred dies. How can one twin go on without the other?
Nellie asks Dakota to "look after Elza"
Sara is all "I believe you are complete people on your own" and neither really looks convinced. Nellie says they think it will help them become adults and learn to be without each other.
But next week! They are in Phuket! Elza is not dealing well without Nellie "it's like taking a mother away from her baby" and Dakota tells Michaela "I think you are the most self-centered bitch".
Good times await!
Lara is being all insightful about almost getting kicked out last week "I think I just had a bad day at work" which really annoys me because they all keep saying this and this is something Sara Tetro says EVERY GOD DAMNED WEEK. It's like if all the ANTM's starting being all "And still in the running to become ANTM is me. I am still here". Or something. I don't know, it's late and I smell funny from work. Like oil and tears.
Danielle on the other hand thinks Lara is "definitely a twit...she likes honking her own horn". I enjoy Danielle's manner of speaking, its quite quaint.
Dakota agrees and thinks that Lara is "from a different side of the tracks. She thinks she's got it all but she's got nothing". Big words Dakota! Dakota then shows off her sanity by sexily telling herself in the mirror that she is "pretty and witty and so gonna win this!".
In related news, my friend Louise was at a mall in chch and she saw a big bunch of high school girls trying on high heels at kmart. They were pretending to be in Top Model and doing the runway walk and fighting over who got to be Elza and Nellie. One girl got told she was Dakota and screamed "NO! I DON'T WANT TO BE DAKOTA!". Dakota clearly loses the public vote.
They get some night time Sara mail telling them "To say your prayers time to worship at the alter of fashion". I see this going awry. Courteney looks nervous.
I have something important to say: The "do us a flavour" chips are YUCKY. So gross and I am pretty unhappy about that! I love butter chicken but not in chips.
Anyway, they are at a church and Colin is up being all "welcome! I PRAY YOU ARE READY" etc then he lets the big secret out THEY WILL BE MODELLING IN THEIR UNDIES. Courteney is unhappy because it is a holy place and not really a place for modelling in your underwear. Dakota is all "I thought it was a bit sacrilegious but then I thought NAH WHO CARES!?".
Because Courteney is a professional though she tries to be good and is pleased her bra and underwear "aren't too skanky". Michaela isn't very happy either but Danielle is psyched cos she walks in the street in her bikini- no worries!
Dakota, of all people asks Courteney and Michaela to form a prayer circle so God can bless the runway show. I didn't really peg Dakota as the church type but okay! I guess China the Vagina is "very religious".
Clearly Courteney shares the same feelings I do "Dakota...she is religious,apparently, well she says she is..she doesn't really act very religious though...
Regardless, check out this pervy shot of some 16 and 17 year olds in their underwear.
Dakota gets upset because someone laughs at her while she is wearing her weird 1930s underwear and so she demonstrates empathy and maturity by telling the camera that she could see Lara's "arse jiggle all the way from the black curtain".
Anyway that was about the most exciting thing from this runway show which, although clearly designed to make the religious girls cry only succeeded in Dakota calling Lara names. SHAME TOP MODEL THAT ONE BACK FIRED!
But it is time for the photo shoot- or in this case the music video shoot for Opshop. Nellie/Elza are "Hell yeah boy! It is going to be super cool!".
Jason from Opshop shows up and I recognise him from a Woman's Day article where he explained that he is building an enormous ark to hold him and his friends when the world ends in 2012. He is fucking nuts. Genuinely insane. Dakota will probably find him to be a kindred spirit.
They are told that three of them will be chosen to perform in a pool and then the winner gets a singlet dress. They all go crazy at the thought of a singlet dress.
They get to dance around "contemporarily" while Jason takes a break from building his ark to lip sync his song in a leather jacket.
Lara is all "Ivan (the director) told me I had exactly the look he was going for with my porcelain skin and my piercing eyes". Jeeeez.
Dakota again waxes lyrical about how gross she thinks Lara and her thighs are then proceeds to thrash around on the floor "like a stripper". Her words, not mine.
The three lucky ladies who get to splash around in the pool are: Elza, Lara and Danielle and Nellie gets to come along for the ride as Elza's "double". If I had a twin I would convince them to become a famous actress then I would be their double all the time. No effort and I could make money off them for the rest of my life.
Left standing around in their floaty dresses are the prayer circle
Back at the house Dakota says "Maybe they just wanted fat-arse girls in the video. I am talking about Lara in particular" and Courteney and Michaela are all "Don't say that that's horrible". They are sweet girls. I like them a lot. I wish they were my friends, but I would probably be too mean for them. Which makes me sad.
Anyway, Dakota and Michaela have a fight about Dakota being a mean-spirited harpy and Dakota blames it on being kicked out of the house at 14. Michaela says she will punch Dakota in the mouth soon if she doesn't watch it. THIS IS GOOD STUFF! Michaela is all "You are such a dick!
"You are immature and no one likes you!". Dakota is all "Don't hold back! Punch me it will make you feel better!". Courteney tells us that if it came down to a fight she has no doubt that Dakota will claw out Michaela's eyes and scratch her to death. I think she is right about that, Dakota would be a scrappy fighter for sure plus she would hit below the belt.
Look at Courteney she is so lovely and I think she is probably the nicest person to have ever been on TV. If she was my child I would buy her a nice present for being so sweet. If Dakota was my child I would buy her a gag to shut her up. And I would buy Michaela knuckle dusters to take out Dakota with.
Meanwhile over at the pool Lara is dubbed "a supermodel already". Elza and Danielle are also told they are lovely mermaids of the deep. We are treated to the music video and Jason screams into the camera while plainly thinking of Armageddon, a mere two years from now. I guess the most pertinent question for us is WHO WILL BE ON MTV/IN CATALOGUES FOR FARMERS WHEN THE WORLD ENDS??
Back at top model house Sara mail arrives. Courteney thinks the mail means that they will have to "advertise cars in a skanky outfit and wear nasty hotpants like a big skank". She really hates skanks.
They head off to their photo shoot and it is at railway station and suddenly a giant flame thing bursts in front of them and in the words of Elza "my pants were almost absolutely soaked".
Sara is there and Dakota looks SEXY
Sara is all "This special occasion requires a very special photographer". Everyone hopes for Nigel Barker but its just lookalike Chris Sisarich.
He is all "here Lara you won the singlet" and she is all "YAY take that Dakota!". Well that's what she should have said anyway. They are indeed doing a shoot about cars "think fur and fire, think Ford Fiestas!" enthuses Chris.
I am not entirely convinced by the styling
Michaela cries because she doesn't think she did well (bottom two?)and Elza suddenly has some kind of breakdown and is all purple and crying? An ambulance comes? Danielle thinks "she just needs to pick up her balls and get on with it" HA.
Nellie is "flat" and Lara is "wide". Nellie= bottom two too? Dakota looks ridiculous but somehow takes great shots. If Nellie and Elza were dogs they would be these kind of dogs
This is not an insult. These are luxurious dogs!
Anyway it is now JUDGEMENT TIME!
Guess what! Tomorrow (NZTM time) they will fly to Phuket! But ONE of them won't be going! Oh no! How cruel. Nellie or Michaela don't smile too soon!
Dakota:
Danielle:
Michaela: Cries and talks about her "breakdown" about not being picked for the music video.
"looks like you have farted and are trying to walk about away from it". Thanks Colin!You really know how to make a crying girl feel better!
Lara:
Courteney:
Nellie: The judges call her out on being tired and flat. Elza calls out "I'm sorry Nellie! I ruined her photo shoot!" It is all very dramatic, teary and tragic.
Elza: Cries and sobs and I feel so bad for her! It is kind of like the time I did this in front of one of my lecturers about a late essay- all hiccuping and unable to breathe and making it worse every second. I feel so bad for her! Poor Elza. Poor Nellie.
And the bottom two are....
Nellie and Dakota!
Nellie= good at runway but bad at shoot.
Dakota= bad at runway good at shoot! But she is "an accidental model. Things go well and you don't know why...and I don't know if you are learning"
And still in the running is...
DAKOTA
Elza=
This is so tragic. It's kind of like in the Deathly Hallows when (SPOILER) Fred dies. How can one twin go on without the other?
Nellie asks Dakota to "look after Elza"
Sara is all "I believe you are complete people on your own" and neither really looks convinced. Nellie says they think it will help them become adults and learn to be without each other.
But next week! They are in Phuket! Elza is not dealing well without Nellie "it's like taking a mother away from her baby" and Dakota tells Michaela "I think you are the most self-centered bitch".
Good times await!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
And finally things take a turn for the better!
Today I have the day off work and I got an eclair! YUM. Now I sit down to review this week's episode on demand. I am still pretty bitter and raw about the elimination of Eva BUT life must go on and I must move with the times.
Okay so we open with Michaela (who I have heard a lot of friends tell me is the best one) reading the goodbye letters from Eva (SOB) and the other one, um.....Lauren. They are full of "love you Danielle, love you Holly(?!)etc and at the end Lara is all "awkward that she forgot about me!" and everyone groans and makes hissing noises.
It is Nellie and Elza's 18th birthday(s)! They are so weird but I really like them, although I have also heard some people say they really don't. But I do. They are different and also odd. But still, it is going to be an ugly day when they eliminate one of them. Maybe they could do a double elimination of them too like last week? Probably not. I am thinking Elza could win this thing.
Did they have to do a double elimination last week because of the addition of HOLLY into the final group? I think so. God damned Holly.
Anyway, they have a lovely little dinner party and Lara does a stand up speech/toast thing. Dakota ain't liking it and she is all "I think Lara is the fakest, faker than fake food, fake". She is honestly nuts but kind of awesome? Nellie and Elza say some weird but sweet things to each other : "My heart is all big and juicy from all the happiness" "Thank you for the best 18 years of my life Elza, it has been awesome, thank you for being in the womb with me". "And Nellie, lets hope that we spend the rest of our lives together because I know we will".
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Anyway, its all happy birthday, candles and lolly cake and then the next day the gang meet Colin "Skinnypinkscarf" Mathura-Jefferee at Auckland Uni to "get back to basics".
"Watch me ladies!" he purrs and then stomps around the uni steps showing us his MAD SKILLZ. He "looks like Tyra from behind" according to Holly. That is not good I would think, for a man.
Remember that awesome time Tyra went CA-RAZY at that one girl, uh....TIFFANY and it was SO SO GREAT?
And when this happened?
AH. That was great. Just watch those awesome moments instead of watching this truly boring segment on "CATWALK 101".
The only good thing that happens is that Danielle kicks her high heel off and straight into Elza's head and then Colin chases the girls around in high heels like some kind of nightmare creature.
It reminds me of the pale man in Pan's Labyrinth.
Anyway, then there is this other really boring challenge where they go to an old schoolhouse and are tested on their fashion nous by Colin "ARGHSTAYAWAY" Mathura-Jefferee and some model from NZ who is also involved with Gucci. She "keeps an apartment in Milan" so all the girls are impressed and ohh and aah over her. "The Gucci thing impressed me" says Dakota. If there's one person you want to impress is it Dakota, for sure.
It is "Top Model Trivia" and Colin and Ella (who has a very strange accent, almost English though I KNOW she is from Auckland") quiz them on important top model knowledge like "Who is the editor of American Vogue" EVEN I KNOW THAT! I SAW THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA!
Then Dakota names "Juicy Couture" as an italian designer (HOT VELOUR TRACKSUITS!) and Colin says that "Elza is clearly much more intelligent than Nellie". ouch. I am not sure how much intelligence has to do with discussing haute couture and Anna Wintour but WHATEVER.
Back at the house Nellie is sad that Elza is better than her and Elza is sad about that too. Nellie predicts her own dismissal from the competition before Elza and it is revealed that Danielle, driven mad ,I assume, with the knowledge that she didn't know the name of 4 NZ designers punched a wall multiple times making a nice big hole. Clearly the camera crew weren't around when that happened and you can almost taste the regret.
Anyway, the next day it is photo shoot time. It is another sweet product placement opporunity, this time with Herbal Essences.
Lara "looks constipated" according to the photographer, Dakota is "too crazy for the set" but FABULOUS and breaks the telephone! oh dear! vintage telephone ALL OVER THE GROUND!, Courteney is all skimpy in tiny shorts but she is a professional so she keeps on trucking, Nellie was "powerful and dominating" and lounges around with a fake tiger eating strawberries or something. Danielle is "hard work" because she is so uncomfortable with being a model, that's kind of bad. Michaela is good because "she is smiling, she is serious". Moving your face is totally a necessary ingrediant to modelling so it is a relief that she has conquered that mountain. Holly is bad. The photographer says she is "an ice queen and a princess and should get over herself". Holly says everything is "less than ideal". I think I have heard her say this very thing about 10 times this "cycle". She cries. Dakota thinks it looks hot when she cries. Dakota scares me. Elza "stole the show" and the photographer loves her.
ELIMINATION TIME!
Lara? HOLLY?! Danielle?
Who's up first?
Nellie: Sexy and strong a "superbitch" character. They like.
Hollie: Sarah thinks "you have a lot of body in your hair. The product is the least of my problems". That doesn't really bode well......!
Elza: Her theme was "dangerously straight" and it makes Colin "feel dangerously straight just looking at it" OH HO!
Danielle: They like that she likes pink dresses and is wearing high heels.
Look how tiny the guest judge model is!
She's eeny! Tiny!
Anyway,
Lara: cries. She gets a good shot but not because of her own efforts, which were poor, but by having a good photographer.
Dakota: Being crazy the crazy photo shoot worked well.
Courteney: Makes it "look perfectly normal to stand in heels, a knotted white shirt and french knickers" and for this she should be very proud, says Sara.
Michaela: Very good. Beginning to "think like a model". Sweet.
Deliberation: They like Elza's masculine jaw but guest model thinks she is too offbeat for international markets, Lara, they aren't liking it, Danielle, they love her love of the pink dress thus choose to ignore that she really isn't that into modelling, Holly, hard work and vacant. Sara thinks she looks like "a mako shark" "eyes with nothing behind them".
The guest model says that Michaela is "undoubtably" commercial. I don't want to have to break it to her that that is not a word. She probably says things like "don't be so pacific" etc and "somethink". This could just be the jealousy at the Milan apartment speaking though.
Look again at how tiny she is! Good god!
Anyway! BOTTOM TWO:
Lara and Holly! Holly's "eyes remain dead. And we are not sure if you can awaken them". Ouch. Lara only has on emotion. ELIMINATED IS...
HOLLY! THAT'S MORE THAN IDEAL! what a bummer...
ANYWAY! Next week's previews looks like they are just trying to upset the religious ones by forcing them to do an underwear modeling show in a church. Nice one guys!
They take part in a music video! That will be fun! Do you remember when they did that in ANTM and Tyra sang? "Shake ya body body, move ya body body!"
And next week Elza or Nellie (I am guessing Nellie) has another panic attack thing. OH NO COULD BE ELIMINATED! And Michaela yells at Dakota for being immature. THIS COULD BE A GOOD EPISODE FINALLY AFTER WEEKS OF MEDIOCRITY AND BOREDOM!
I have to go now. I need to do a little dance of Holly's elimination and google stalk Nellie and Elza. This is what I have so far.
Okay so we open with Michaela (who I have heard a lot of friends tell me is the best one) reading the goodbye letters from Eva (SOB) and the other one, um.....Lauren. They are full of "love you Danielle, love you Holly(?!)etc and at the end Lara is all "awkward that she forgot about me!" and everyone groans and makes hissing noises.
It is Nellie and Elza's 18th birthday(s)! They are so weird but I really like them, although I have also heard some people say they really don't. But I do. They are different and also odd. But still, it is going to be an ugly day when they eliminate one of them. Maybe they could do a double elimination of them too like last week? Probably not. I am thinking Elza could win this thing.
Did they have to do a double elimination last week because of the addition of HOLLY into the final group? I think so. God damned Holly.
Anyway, they have a lovely little dinner party and Lara does a stand up speech/toast thing. Dakota ain't liking it and she is all "I think Lara is the fakest, faker than fake food, fake". She is honestly nuts but kind of awesome? Nellie and Elza say some weird but sweet things to each other : "My heart is all big and juicy from all the happiness" "Thank you for the best 18 years of my life Elza, it has been awesome, thank you for being in the womb with me". "And Nellie, lets hope that we spend the rest of our lives together because I know we will".
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Anyway, its all happy birthday, candles and lolly cake and then the next day the gang meet Colin "Skinnypinkscarf" Mathura-Jefferee at Auckland Uni to "get back to basics".
"Watch me ladies!" he purrs and then stomps around the uni steps showing us his MAD SKILLZ. He "looks like Tyra from behind" according to Holly. That is not good I would think, for a man.
Remember that awesome time Tyra went CA-RAZY at that one girl, uh....TIFFANY and it was SO SO GREAT?
And when this happened?
AH. That was great. Just watch those awesome moments instead of watching this truly boring segment on "CATWALK 101".
The only good thing that happens is that Danielle kicks her high heel off and straight into Elza's head and then Colin chases the girls around in high heels like some kind of nightmare creature.
It reminds me of the pale man in Pan's Labyrinth.
Anyway, then there is this other really boring challenge where they go to an old schoolhouse and are tested on their fashion nous by Colin "ARGHSTAYAWAY" Mathura-Jefferee and some model from NZ who is also involved with Gucci. She "keeps an apartment in Milan" so all the girls are impressed and ohh and aah over her. "The Gucci thing impressed me" says Dakota. If there's one person you want to impress is it Dakota, for sure.
It is "Top Model Trivia" and Colin and Ella (who has a very strange accent, almost English though I KNOW she is from Auckland") quiz them on important top model knowledge like "Who is the editor of American Vogue" EVEN I KNOW THAT! I SAW THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA!
Then Dakota names "Juicy Couture" as an italian designer (HOT VELOUR TRACKSUITS!) and Colin says that "Elza is clearly much more intelligent than Nellie". ouch. I am not sure how much intelligence has to do with discussing haute couture and Anna Wintour but WHATEVER.
Back at the house Nellie is sad that Elza is better than her and Elza is sad about that too. Nellie predicts her own dismissal from the competition before Elza and it is revealed that Danielle, driven mad ,I assume, with the knowledge that she didn't know the name of 4 NZ designers punched a wall multiple times making a nice big hole. Clearly the camera crew weren't around when that happened and you can almost taste the regret.
Anyway, the next day it is photo shoot time. It is another sweet product placement opporunity, this time with Herbal Essences.
Lara "looks constipated" according to the photographer, Dakota is "too crazy for the set" but FABULOUS and breaks the telephone! oh dear! vintage telephone ALL OVER THE GROUND!, Courteney is all skimpy in tiny shorts but she is a professional so she keeps on trucking, Nellie was "powerful and dominating" and lounges around with a fake tiger eating strawberries or something. Danielle is "hard work" because she is so uncomfortable with being a model, that's kind of bad. Michaela is good because "she is smiling, she is serious". Moving your face is totally a necessary ingrediant to modelling so it is a relief that she has conquered that mountain. Holly is bad. The photographer says she is "an ice queen and a princess and should get over herself". Holly says everything is "less than ideal". I think I have heard her say this very thing about 10 times this "cycle". She cries. Dakota thinks it looks hot when she cries. Dakota scares me. Elza "stole the show" and the photographer loves her.
ELIMINATION TIME!
Lara? HOLLY?! Danielle?
Who's up first?
Nellie: Sexy and strong a "superbitch" character. They like.
Hollie: Sarah thinks "you have a lot of body in your hair. The product is the least of my problems". That doesn't really bode well......!
Elza: Her theme was "dangerously straight" and it makes Colin "feel dangerously straight just looking at it" OH HO!
Danielle: They like that she likes pink dresses and is wearing high heels.
Look how tiny the guest judge model is!
She's eeny! Tiny!
Anyway,
Lara: cries. She gets a good shot but not because of her own efforts, which were poor, but by having a good photographer.
Dakota: Being crazy the crazy photo shoot worked well.
Courteney: Makes it "look perfectly normal to stand in heels, a knotted white shirt and french knickers" and for this she should be very proud, says Sara.
Michaela: Very good. Beginning to "think like a model". Sweet.
Deliberation: They like Elza's masculine jaw but guest model thinks she is too offbeat for international markets, Lara, they aren't liking it, Danielle, they love her love of the pink dress thus choose to ignore that she really isn't that into modelling, Holly, hard work and vacant. Sara thinks she looks like "a mako shark" "eyes with nothing behind them".
The guest model says that Michaela is "undoubtably" commercial. I don't want to have to break it to her that that is not a word. She probably says things like "don't be so pacific" etc and "somethink". This could just be the jealousy at the Milan apartment speaking though.
Look again at how tiny she is! Good god!
Anyway! BOTTOM TWO:
Lara and Holly! Holly's "eyes remain dead. And we are not sure if you can awaken them". Ouch. Lara only has on emotion. ELIMINATED IS...
HOLLY! THAT'S MORE THAN IDEAL! what a bummer...
ANYWAY! Next week's previews looks like they are just trying to upset the religious ones by forcing them to do an underwear modeling show in a church. Nice one guys!
They take part in a music video! That will be fun! Do you remember when they did that in ANTM and Tyra sang? "Shake ya body body, move ya body body!"
And next week Elza or Nellie (I am guessing Nellie) has another panic attack thing. OH NO COULD BE ELIMINATED! And Michaela yells at Dakota for being immature. THIS COULD BE A GOOD EPISODE FINALLY AFTER WEEKS OF MEDIOCRITY AND BOREDOM!
I have to go now. I need to do a little dance of Holly's elimination and google stalk Nellie and Elza. This is what I have so far.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Well I am pissed off now.
Today I lay on the floor for hours trying to do uni work and also watching Tyra. It was pretty good I guess? But you don't care about that do you, you just want to know who sucks and who doesn't suck! So do I, so let's upload the on demand and get down to business!
Okay so they all miss Amelia and I think that is fair, although she yelled at Lauren once I don't think she is a bad person, she seems pretty cool so I get why they are sad. Sara mail arrives and it is floating in the pool so one of the twins leaps in, fully clothed to get it. It says they need to "shape up or ship out" and this reminds me that it is the mean "are you fat?" episode where they will get tape measured and weighed even maybe...remember last "cycle" when the one who was a mother and wanted to be a lawyer, Teryl-Leigh was told she had a wide ass? Ahh, good memories and good times ahead I hope!
They are all lying around sucking coffee up Tim Tams when Sara arrives with her personal trainer and Dakota thinks he "is the hottest muffin out of the oven".
Holly is all "he is very pretty but my boyfriend is hotter" WE GET IT- AGAINST ALL ODDS YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND! I hate it when girls insist on telling people they have a boyfriend all the time, "DEAR FACEBOOK, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" "DEAR INTERNET: I MISS MY CUDDLE BUDDY". It's like joining that "I love naked cuddles in bed" group on facebook. Gross and unnecessary. Just put a fucking album of 100 couple shots up sew yourself into some giant couple Siamese twin suit and be done with it.
The trainer measures them and pinches their fat and informs Holly that she is 12% fat.
Meanwhile Dakota is busy wooing the trainer "I think he put a mirror in his pants cos I see me in his pants". Ummmm....
She gets all excited when he tape measures her bust and is all "so, does your girlfriend know that you are working with all these models?" and he's all "yeah, she doesn't care. She's a model". Shame! also IS HE TALKING ABOUT SARA TETRO? no I think not but still. That could be exciting!
Eva is 15% body fat and Laura is 13%. Elza and Nellie are 13.40 and 13.36 fat. Then the trainer does star jumps with them and leaves. That was a bit anti climatic.
They celebrate the trainer leaving by making nachos. Yum.
Courtenay, queen of understatements, says that there is tension between Holly and everyone "because Holly is a tad bossy"
Elza or Nellie predict "a big fight brewing". OH GOD I HOPE SO! A DEATHMATCH!
They get Sara mail and go to some place where Colin and someone from Covergirl are waiting. They are told they have to do makeover each other to make a smokey eye using a whole heap of specific products. It is basically an exercise in product placement. Colin almost pees himself about the prize which is a year's supply of Covergirl products. He says he would "skin the winner for that prize and kill the rest of you for the fun of it".
New Zealand's next top super creep
He tells Dakota off for looking like a mess and wonders if she "lives under the house".
Danielle, unsurprisingly, doesn't know what the hell to do with makeup since she has never worn any before. Eva says she did a terrible job on Elza and "looks like I shot her in the face with a paintball gun". I do love her.
Some people aren't happy with their final result
And look who fucking wins again
This is getting ridiculous.
"I won hee hee"
They go home and have a cupcake making competition but Holly doesn't take part because "I am not twelve". NO YOU ARE FUCKING 40 YEARS OLD! She really gets my goat, such a backstabby immature highschooler.
She is all "It is so embarrassing". I really can't stand her. She is so judgemental and mean spirited. And this is coming from someone who is bitching about people on the internet for a hobby.
Then Holly comes in and likes the cupcakes and wants to join in? I don't really get it but maybe now it is not so super embarrassing? I can't keep up with her and her crazy mood swings.
In case you were wondering who won the cupcake competition it was Elza and Nellie. They are pretty psyched.
Anyway, it is photo shoot-o-clock and they are being teamed up to do some kind of double shoot.
Dakota and Danielle were together. This is a pretty accurate shot of how the shoot went:
Meanwhile, Lara and Holly discuss Dakota and Holly has the gall to say that Dakota is "so frigging two-faced". HELLO!? POT? KETTLE? BLACK??
The makeup, hair and costumes for this shoot are really gross. They all look greasy and dirty. And not in a good way. The Covergirl woman insinuates that Holly would make a good stripper and Eva is now boring and crap. NO! EVA I LOVE YOU PLEASE BE GOOD I PROMISE I WILL BE BETTER IF YOU WILL BE GOOD! I WON'T EVER BE MEAN ABOUT HOLLY AGAIN IF YOU STAY!!!! I WILL RETURN MY OVERDUE LIBRARY BOOKS! I WILL PUT THE RECYCLING INTO NICE PILES! I WON'T PUT RUBBISH DOWN THE SINK! I WILL NOT ILLEGALLY DOWNLOAD A SINGLE THING EVER! I WILL EAT STEAMED VEGETABLES FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! maybe.
Elza and Nellie are doing their shoot and they are having a bit of trouble trying to outshine each other because "we are basically the same person. She is me". Man this is weird! "How can anyone outshine Nellie she is so cool!...No you're cool! No you're cooler!".
The bitchy cleaning roster from last week makes a dreaded return and Dakota and Holly have a brief but satisfying fight about the dishes. Dakota is all "F U B I have done the dishes the last three days!" and Holly is all "Well it wasn't your job! You did them when it wasn't your job and so now you do them- DAKOTA YOU ARE ON THE LIST!".
F U B indeed!
Everyone thinks that Holly should be going home but of course Holly thinks Dakota should go because "she is causing tension".
ELIMINATION TIME!
Danielle: No good
Dakota: Looks like a hobo and swears like a thug but good
Lauren: bad.
Courteney: good!
Michaela: Evolving. Has potential.
Eva: A "walking disaster" ARGH! "lost her mojo" NO! "no confidence" FUCK!
Nellie: Not as dynamic as Elza
Elza: Has warmth in her eyes....She is all "we work well as a team because, I guess, we were in the womb together". Awww. I want a womb buddy!
But, is it just me or do they look like vampires?
I like them and all but do they not look slightly....undead? chiseled? kind of like that one from twilight who gets ripped to pieces in the end of the first movie and set on fire?
Lara: Good.
Holly: Looked like she was "squatting on a toilet"
DELIBERATION:
Dakota is suspected of multiple personality disorder. Colin wants to rewire her. In his basement of model limbs and skinned corpses/covergirl products.
Holly is problematic because "you can't change someone's face structure" and she has "a long face and thin lips which don't translate to film". Well yes. That's obvious. But if she doesn't look like a model now then how could she have looked like a model earlier? this show is all about mind games and Colin's hair.
BOTTOM TWO: Lauren and EVA! argh! Not my girl Eva! This is just like the Ruby nightmare of last season all over again!
And eliminated is...
BOTH OF THEM! FUCK THIS SHIT! I want to speak to the manager! I can't believe Eva is eliminated while HOLLY is still there!
I am mad. I am going to bed. GOOD FUCKING NIGHT
Okay so they all miss Amelia and I think that is fair, although she yelled at Lauren once I don't think she is a bad person, she seems pretty cool so I get why they are sad. Sara mail arrives and it is floating in the pool so one of the twins leaps in, fully clothed to get it. It says they need to "shape up or ship out" and this reminds me that it is the mean "are you fat?" episode where they will get tape measured and weighed even maybe...remember last "cycle" when the one who was a mother and wanted to be a lawyer, Teryl-Leigh was told she had a wide ass? Ahh, good memories and good times ahead I hope!
They are all lying around sucking coffee up Tim Tams when Sara arrives with her personal trainer and Dakota thinks he "is the hottest muffin out of the oven".
Holly is all "he is very pretty but my boyfriend is hotter" WE GET IT- AGAINST ALL ODDS YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND! I hate it when girls insist on telling people they have a boyfriend all the time, "DEAR FACEBOOK, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" "DEAR INTERNET: I MISS MY CUDDLE BUDDY". It's like joining that "I love naked cuddles in bed" group on facebook. Gross and unnecessary. Just put a fucking album of 100 couple shots up sew yourself into some giant couple Siamese twin suit and be done with it.
The trainer measures them and pinches their fat and informs Holly that she is 12% fat.
Meanwhile Dakota is busy wooing the trainer "I think he put a mirror in his pants cos I see me in his pants". Ummmm....
She gets all excited when he tape measures her bust and is all "so, does your girlfriend know that you are working with all these models?" and he's all "yeah, she doesn't care. She's a model". Shame! also IS HE TALKING ABOUT SARA TETRO? no I think not but still. That could be exciting!
Eva is 15% body fat and Laura is 13%. Elza and Nellie are 13.40 and 13.36 fat. Then the trainer does star jumps with them and leaves. That was a bit anti climatic.
They celebrate the trainer leaving by making nachos. Yum.
Courtenay, queen of understatements, says that there is tension between Holly and everyone "because Holly is a tad bossy"
Elza or Nellie predict "a big fight brewing". OH GOD I HOPE SO! A DEATHMATCH!
They get Sara mail and go to some place where Colin and someone from Covergirl are waiting. They are told they have to do makeover each other to make a smokey eye using a whole heap of specific products. It is basically an exercise in product placement. Colin almost pees himself about the prize which is a year's supply of Covergirl products. He says he would "skin the winner for that prize and kill the rest of you for the fun of it".
New Zealand's next top super creep
He tells Dakota off for looking like a mess and wonders if she "lives under the house".
Danielle, unsurprisingly, doesn't know what the hell to do with makeup since she has never worn any before. Eva says she did a terrible job on Elza and "looks like I shot her in the face with a paintball gun". I do love her.
Some people aren't happy with their final result
And look who fucking wins again
This is getting ridiculous.
"I won hee hee"
They go home and have a cupcake making competition but Holly doesn't take part because "I am not twelve". NO YOU ARE FUCKING 40 YEARS OLD! She really gets my goat, such a backstabby immature highschooler.
She is all "It is so embarrassing". I really can't stand her. She is so judgemental and mean spirited. And this is coming from someone who is bitching about people on the internet for a hobby.
Then Holly comes in and likes the cupcakes and wants to join in? I don't really get it but maybe now it is not so super embarrassing? I can't keep up with her and her crazy mood swings.
In case you were wondering who won the cupcake competition it was Elza and Nellie. They are pretty psyched.
Anyway, it is photo shoot-o-clock and they are being teamed up to do some kind of double shoot.
Dakota and Danielle were together. This is a pretty accurate shot of how the shoot went:
Meanwhile, Lara and Holly discuss Dakota and Holly has the gall to say that Dakota is "so frigging two-faced". HELLO!? POT? KETTLE? BLACK??
The makeup, hair and costumes for this shoot are really gross. They all look greasy and dirty. And not in a good way. The Covergirl woman insinuates that Holly would make a good stripper and Eva is now boring and crap. NO! EVA I LOVE YOU PLEASE BE GOOD I PROMISE I WILL BE BETTER IF YOU WILL BE GOOD! I WON'T EVER BE MEAN ABOUT HOLLY AGAIN IF YOU STAY!!!! I WILL RETURN MY OVERDUE LIBRARY BOOKS! I WILL PUT THE RECYCLING INTO NICE PILES! I WON'T PUT RUBBISH DOWN THE SINK! I WILL NOT ILLEGALLY DOWNLOAD A SINGLE THING EVER! I WILL EAT STEAMED VEGETABLES FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! maybe.
Elza and Nellie are doing their shoot and they are having a bit of trouble trying to outshine each other because "we are basically the same person. She is me". Man this is weird! "How can anyone outshine Nellie she is so cool!...No you're cool! No you're cooler!".
The bitchy cleaning roster from last week makes a dreaded return and Dakota and Holly have a brief but satisfying fight about the dishes. Dakota is all "F U B I have done the dishes the last three days!" and Holly is all "Well it wasn't your job! You did them when it wasn't your job and so now you do them- DAKOTA YOU ARE ON THE LIST!".
F U B indeed!
Everyone thinks that Holly should be going home but of course Holly thinks Dakota should go because "she is causing tension".
ELIMINATION TIME!
Danielle: No good
Dakota: Looks like a hobo and swears like a thug but good
Lauren: bad.
Courteney: good!
Michaela: Evolving. Has potential.
Eva: A "walking disaster" ARGH! "lost her mojo" NO! "no confidence" FUCK!
Nellie: Not as dynamic as Elza
Elza: Has warmth in her eyes....She is all "we work well as a team because, I guess, we were in the womb together". Awww. I want a womb buddy!
But, is it just me or do they look like vampires?
I like them and all but do they not look slightly....undead? chiseled? kind of like that one from twilight who gets ripped to pieces in the end of the first movie and set on fire?
Lara: Good.
Holly: Looked like she was "squatting on a toilet"
DELIBERATION:
Dakota is suspected of multiple personality disorder. Colin wants to rewire her. In his basement of model limbs and skinned corpses/covergirl products.
Holly is problematic because "you can't change someone's face structure" and she has "a long face and thin lips which don't translate to film". Well yes. That's obvious. But if she doesn't look like a model now then how could she have looked like a model earlier? this show is all about mind games and Colin's hair.
BOTTOM TWO: Lauren and EVA! argh! Not my girl Eva! This is just like the Ruby nightmare of last season all over again!
And eliminated is...
BOTH OF THEM! FUCK THIS SHIT! I want to speak to the manager! I can't believe Eva is eliminated while HOLLY is still there!
I am mad. I am going to bed. GOOD FUCKING NIGHT
Friday, September 3, 2010
This episode wasn't really very funny actually. Kind of sucked.
I just got home from work and I am all covered in rubbish juice and popcorn oil. Yucks. In order to make myself not sit in the corner and cry I am going to curl up in a ball and watch TOP MODEL! I need to watch me some filthy models!
So Holly and Danielle are whining about being sick of "living with children who are so sheltered" and have taken it upon themselves to make a cleaning roster. Holly has made herself mistress of the house and has devised punishments which she will mete out should the roster not be adhered to. It must be such a drag being her child.
As you can see, for reasons unknown Holly is allowed to wake people up 30 minutes early if they don't do their jobs. If she tried that with me I would punch her in her very very long face. She is like the horrible flatmate who no one wants to live with and who labels all her food in the fridge.
One of Holly's punishments for people who don't do what she demands of them is that she will "empty the contents of the vacuum box in their bed". What? She is THE WORST.
Courtenay, who is pretty cool, is all "I think Holly's punishments are pretty stupid, she's not the boss of this house!" And she is very, very right. Holly! You suck! You are are fun-sucker and a big old meanie! She tells us she wants someone not to do the jobs so she can unleash her awful bitch self on the house. KICK THIS AWFUL PERSON OFF ALREADY! SHE DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE A MODEL!!! At this point it is pretty obvious that she is being kept around purely for drama reasons because what else does she really have to offer? apart from hen pecking and a sneering stinkface?
Anyway, Sara shows up and she is going to take one polaroid photo of them each and do something with it? Dakota is wearing big hipster glasses?
I would like another hot chocolate...is it greedy to have two hot chocolates in half and hour?????
Anyway! Sara takes one polaroid of them each and then Daniel Carter waltzes into the model house and everyone is all "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGH HOT MAN!". He owns some brand of water or something and he is going to pick one of the photos for something or other. Amelia is all "I've met rugby players before so it's not that big a deal". SMUG SMUG SMUG.
Lara asks him about how he once posed in his underwear and then makes face
Holly is all "I would rate Dan Carter as a 9 and a half but my boyfriend is a 10". SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND? Surely no one would put up with having vacuum rubbish poured in their bed and suffering various corporeal and mental punishments to be with Holly? gah, the world baffles me sometimes.
Daniel Carter gets to pick one of them to be the face of the label or something and he says that one of them stood out- I KNOW WHO IT BETTER NOT BE-
and it is EVA! YES! MY LADY WINS AGAIN!
Take that you guys! (this is saved in my computer as losers.jpeg.)
This is the result of Eva's photo shoot
Now I am going to have to buy some god damned crisp apple water so I can support my favourite flavourite EVA! She is kind of crisp apple-esque! If Dakota had won it would have had to be "fucking crazy!" flavour and Holly would have advertised "stinkface fruits".
ANYWAY
Lara gets a care package from her grandad! That is so sweet! I love Grandads. This is good but makes Nellie very sad and cry. She is homesick and says she wants to leave! MAYBE SHE WILL LEAVE TODAY??!!??!??!?!??!
They get some Sara mail and end up in some derelict warehouse where Colin OHMYGODMYFACIALHAIRISREVOLTING- Mathura-Jefferee is blathering on about herbal essences with some brand manager. Something about flyaways and stuff. I hear almost nothing of what she says because his disgusting hairy lip is haunting the scene like some excess leg hair left behind when Sara last waxed. God it's yuck.
The girls have to go out and make women like the product which, according to the brand manager "may be suitable for women aged 14-29 who may be looking for ways to control their frizz". That is a lot of "maybes".
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? More potential for CRAZY Dakota and unlikeable Holly! Time for Eva to shine (I hope) poor Danielle though, she's not really cut out for this kind of thing? The twins should be okay if they are allowed to talk about that half male/half female cat they have at home and Amelia has met rugby players before so she can basically handle anything.
Lara acts a bit weird but that's kind of okay....but shit gets serious down at Amelia central where, after being rejected by some people who are practicing their "sorry! busy!" walks thinking she is trying to sign them up to greenpeace or potentially ask them for their small change, gets some racial slurs yelled at her!
!Some people are suck dicks!YOU SUCK RACIST STREET STRANGER DICK!
Then Amelia gets all upset and has to leave. Boo racism. I am mad.
Anyway, Elza is amazing because she has her heels on and Colin says he doesn't think she even realizes "what an amazing creature she is". She is a giant, also he says.
Dakota sucks again. She is so affected and bizarre! "HELLO DARLING! HELLO SWEETHEART! OH HELLO BABE". Gah. She is hard work to even watch. Colin says she is "offensive in so many ways". She is all "god, does everyone around here have ugly hair? this is harder than trying to sell crack". I believe her.
She is so charming! "Jeez woman your hair looks like a cat's arse, I thought you would want it to be better".
Holly does well. :(
Eva is "an epic fail!". God damn it. Look how the tables have turned! I don't like this one bit! My team is losing and my rival team is triumphing! FUCK THIS
I think Holly is going to win the prize! lasdkfkalsdfjads;lfjsdkfj I DO NOT WANT THIS
And the winner is....
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
This tastes very bitter.
Maybe I am being too harsh on her? Am I?
Danielle has a tragedy and one of her friends dies. :( That is horrible. I have nothing to say about this other than that is horrible and sad.
The next day they go to a photo shoot thingee for the "smoking, not our future" campaign and get interviewed by some guy from elemeno p.
Eva cries because her dad smokes and I love her.
Danielle is bad but she is upset so that is understandable I think.
Dakota is insane as usual. She says in her argument "If they are going to make tobacco illegal can they at least give us THC" and elemeno p guy is like "marijuana?" and she's all "yup!" . He says "um..that's not really the kind of angle we would come from....".
Nellie is kind of bad again and she talks about wanting to go home again...I think they are trying to get us ready for a Nellimination!
Something happens between Dakota and Holly? Holly is lying in bed crying hysterically and Dakota is hanging out in the spa looking like this
From what I can piece together Holly didn't like Dakota interrupting her or coming in on her conversation? Dakota, somewhat hilariously says "I'm sorry Miss Queen of the patio, I didn't realise this whole mansion was yours!" As crazy as Dakota is she can be pretty funny and also Holly is pretty irrational and self-absorbed so I do buy this side of the story.
ANYWAY
ELIMINATION/PANEL TIME
Eva: Her quote on the smoking thing was "It's not appealing. It just doesn't look good" And basically they agreed. They didn't like her photo and she cried again. My poor beauty!
Holly: Kate Slyvester, guest judge says "In this photo I feel like I am looking at a 35 year old woman" YOU SAID IT KATE SLYVESTER!
Danielle: Bad impression, great shot.
Lauren: Her hair makes her strong?
Nellie: So-so.
Michaela: AWESOME!
Amelia: Funny stance/looks wide
Elza: FANTASTIC!
Courteney: Easy to direct.
Lara: Nice personality! Fun to shoot! (photos of)
Dakota: Is inappropriate. Needs to "keep her trap shut". No kidding!
Bottom two prediction? Dakota and Nellie? Eva? (NOT EVA PLEASE NOT EVA!)
Phew! Eva gets through to the next week! AND she says "I just want to say, I didn't mean to make out that my dad is a bad role model because he smokes...he smokes and he is a great dad..." and then she cries and I love her even more.
OH HO! Bottom two= Nellie and Amelia!
AND ELIMINATED IS.....Amelia!
That was kind of a shock actually!
But it's not really that exciting. This episode has been kind of a failure.
NEXT WEEK THOUGH! They are getting all measured by people! Some of them are going to be called fat! (what is wrong with the world!?!??) and also Dakota and Holly have a fight about dishes! Holly is a control freak and Dakota is a freak freak. Sparks will fly! I hope it is 100 times better than this week. Do you think the twins will have the exact same measurements? I wonder what Holly can do about looking 35 years old?
My head hurts. This has been taxing.
So Holly and Danielle are whining about being sick of "living with children who are so sheltered" and have taken it upon themselves to make a cleaning roster. Holly has made herself mistress of the house and has devised punishments which she will mete out should the roster not be adhered to. It must be such a drag being her child.
As you can see, for reasons unknown Holly is allowed to wake people up 30 minutes early if they don't do their jobs. If she tried that with me I would punch her in her very very long face. She is like the horrible flatmate who no one wants to live with and who labels all her food in the fridge.
One of Holly's punishments for people who don't do what she demands of them is that she will "empty the contents of the vacuum box in their bed". What? She is THE WORST.
Courtenay, who is pretty cool, is all "I think Holly's punishments are pretty stupid, she's not the boss of this house!" And she is very, very right. Holly! You suck! You are are fun-sucker and a big old meanie! She tells us she wants someone not to do the jobs so she can unleash her awful bitch self on the house. KICK THIS AWFUL PERSON OFF ALREADY! SHE DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE A MODEL!!! At this point it is pretty obvious that she is being kept around purely for drama reasons because what else does she really have to offer? apart from hen pecking and a sneering stinkface?
Anyway, Sara shows up and she is going to take one polaroid photo of them each and do something with it? Dakota is wearing big hipster glasses?
I would like another hot chocolate...is it greedy to have two hot chocolates in half and hour?????
Anyway! Sara takes one polaroid of them each and then Daniel Carter waltzes into the model house and everyone is all "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGH HOT MAN!". He owns some brand of water or something and he is going to pick one of the photos for something or other. Amelia is all "I've met rugby players before so it's not that big a deal". SMUG SMUG SMUG.
Lara asks him about how he once posed in his underwear and then makes face
Holly is all "I would rate Dan Carter as a 9 and a half but my boyfriend is a 10". SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND? Surely no one would put up with having vacuum rubbish poured in their bed and suffering various corporeal and mental punishments to be with Holly? gah, the world baffles me sometimes.
Daniel Carter gets to pick one of them to be the face of the label or something and he says that one of them stood out- I KNOW WHO IT BETTER NOT BE-
and it is EVA! YES! MY LADY WINS AGAIN!
Take that you guys! (this is saved in my computer as losers.jpeg.)
This is the result of Eva's photo shoot
Now I am going to have to buy some god damned crisp apple water so I can support my favourite flavourite EVA! She is kind of crisp apple-esque! If Dakota had won it would have had to be "fucking crazy!" flavour and Holly would have advertised "stinkface fruits".
ANYWAY
Lara gets a care package from her grandad! That is so sweet! I love Grandads. This is good but makes Nellie very sad and cry. She is homesick and says she wants to leave! MAYBE SHE WILL LEAVE TODAY??!!??!??!?!??!
They get some Sara mail and end up in some derelict warehouse where Colin OHMYGODMYFACIALHAIRISREVOLTING- Mathura-Jefferee is blathering on about herbal essences with some brand manager. Something about flyaways and stuff. I hear almost nothing of what she says because his disgusting hairy lip is haunting the scene like some excess leg hair left behind when Sara last waxed. God it's yuck.
The girls have to go out and make women like the product which, according to the brand manager "may be suitable for women aged 14-29 who may be looking for ways to control their frizz". That is a lot of "maybes".
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? More potential for CRAZY Dakota and unlikeable Holly! Time for Eva to shine (I hope) poor Danielle though, she's not really cut out for this kind of thing? The twins should be okay if they are allowed to talk about that half male/half female cat they have at home and Amelia has met rugby players before so she can basically handle anything.
Lara acts a bit weird but that's kind of okay....but shit gets serious down at Amelia central where, after being rejected by some people who are practicing their "sorry! busy!" walks thinking she is trying to sign them up to greenpeace or potentially ask them for their small change, gets some racial slurs yelled at her!
!Some people are suck dicks!YOU SUCK RACIST STREET STRANGER DICK!
Then Amelia gets all upset and has to leave. Boo racism. I am mad.
Anyway, Elza is amazing because she has her heels on and Colin says he doesn't think she even realizes "what an amazing creature she is". She is a giant, also he says.
Dakota sucks again. She is so affected and bizarre! "HELLO DARLING! HELLO SWEETHEART! OH HELLO BABE". Gah. She is hard work to even watch. Colin says she is "offensive in so many ways". She is all "god, does everyone around here have ugly hair? this is harder than trying to sell crack". I believe her.
She is so charming! "Jeez woman your hair looks like a cat's arse, I thought you would want it to be better".
Holly does well. :(
Eva is "an epic fail!". God damn it. Look how the tables have turned! I don't like this one bit! My team is losing and my rival team is triumphing! FUCK THIS
I think Holly is going to win the prize! lasdkfkalsdfjads;lfjsdkfj I DO NOT WANT THIS
And the winner is....
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
This tastes very bitter.
Maybe I am being too harsh on her? Am I?
Danielle has a tragedy and one of her friends dies. :( That is horrible. I have nothing to say about this other than that is horrible and sad.
The next day they go to a photo shoot thingee for the "smoking, not our future" campaign and get interviewed by some guy from elemeno p.
Eva cries because her dad smokes and I love her.
Danielle is bad but she is upset so that is understandable I think.
Dakota is insane as usual. She says in her argument "If they are going to make tobacco illegal can they at least give us THC" and elemeno p guy is like "marijuana?" and she's all "yup!" . He says "um..that's not really the kind of angle we would come from....".
Nellie is kind of bad again and she talks about wanting to go home again...I think they are trying to get us ready for a Nellimination!
Something happens between Dakota and Holly? Holly is lying in bed crying hysterically and Dakota is hanging out in the spa looking like this
From what I can piece together Holly didn't like Dakota interrupting her or coming in on her conversation? Dakota, somewhat hilariously says "I'm sorry Miss Queen of the patio, I didn't realise this whole mansion was yours!" As crazy as Dakota is she can be pretty funny and also Holly is pretty irrational and self-absorbed so I do buy this side of the story.
ANYWAY
ELIMINATION/PANEL TIME
Eva: Her quote on the smoking thing was "It's not appealing. It just doesn't look good" And basically they agreed. They didn't like her photo and she cried again. My poor beauty!
Holly: Kate Slyvester, guest judge says "In this photo I feel like I am looking at a 35 year old woman" YOU SAID IT KATE SLYVESTER!
Danielle: Bad impression, great shot.
Lauren: Her hair makes her strong?
Nellie: So-so.
Michaela: AWESOME!
Amelia: Funny stance/looks wide
Elza: FANTASTIC!
Courteney: Easy to direct.
Lara: Nice personality! Fun to shoot! (photos of)
Dakota: Is inappropriate. Needs to "keep her trap shut". No kidding!
Bottom two prediction? Dakota and Nellie? Eva? (NOT EVA PLEASE NOT EVA!)
Phew! Eva gets through to the next week! AND she says "I just want to say, I didn't mean to make out that my dad is a bad role model because he smokes...he smokes and he is a great dad..." and then she cries and I love her even more.
OH HO! Bottom two= Nellie and Amelia!
AND ELIMINATED IS.....Amelia!
That was kind of a shock actually!
But it's not really that exciting. This episode has been kind of a failure.
NEXT WEEK THOUGH! They are getting all measured by people! Some of them are going to be called fat! (what is wrong with the world!?!??) and also Dakota and Holly have a fight about dishes! Holly is a control freak and Dakota is a freak freak. Sparks will fly! I hope it is 100 times better than this week. Do you think the twins will have the exact same measurements? I wonder what Holly can do about looking 35 years old?
My head hurts. This has been taxing.
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